Kitty Sue and Jeremy Joe

You may wonder where the name Kitty Sue comes from. I wrote this poem in 2002. It is meant to be a funny joke that is read with a sing songy hick voice. So, imagine the most hickified white trash setting and voice you can, then read this:

I woke up one morning
With a funny little feelin’
Like hot jumpin beans
In the seat of my jeans
I didn’t know what it was
So I got up to find Granny Christa
I found her in the kitchen
Pluckin’ the chickins’
“Granny, I got a question
‘Bout a funny little feelin’”
She gave me a knowin’ grin
And waved me to come on in
“Pull up a chair Kitty Sue
Been meanin to talk with you”
Just when she was about to talk
The chickens began to squawk
I turned round right quick
Almost tripped over a chick!
And there was my old doc
Who’s almost as dumb as a rock
My granny waved at thim
“Come on over Doc Eastham
Kitty Sue’s got a question for you
Please see what you can do”
With one last wink
My granny waddled to the sink
“What’s on your mind Kitty Sue?
What can I do for you?”
I told my doc everythin’
All about my funny little feelin
How it feels like jumpin beans in my jeans
And makes me want to get right mean
It makes me feel all antsy
Like our sheep names Nancy
Doc just listened to me
Then asked me to sit on his knee
“I know what you need Kitty Sue
I got just the thing for you”
he pulled out his prescription pad
Got an OK from dear old dad
He told me what I needed to hear
Whispered it right in my ear
“you need to find a Mandingo
Jeremy Joe’s the only one I know
He’ll know just what to do
Now, go on, get with you!”
So I went out on a quest
Searchin east and searchin west
When I came upon a beautiful sight!
Somethin more than just alright
The most glorious trailer I ever seen!
Had to be a double wide airstream
It was all shiny and purdy
Why, it almost blinded me!
and then the door slowly opened
And lo and behold, it was a man!
The purdiest man I ever saw
His wife beater was actually white
And his wranglers had no holes
His snake skin boots looked real
And his rodeo champion belt buckle
Shown in the mornin sun
I called out “I’m lookin for Jeremy Joe
The one with the Mandingo
Do you know where he might be?
Doc wants him to deal with me”
He just smiled a right big grin
And waved me to come to him
My hands started to sweat
He was the handsomest man I ever met
He helped me up into his trailer
Said he knew he’d see me sooner rather than later
That’s when my world began to change
In that sweet little home on the range
Jeremy Joe showed me things I never thought of
And that’s when I fell in love
I knew why I needed Jeremy Joe
He had the biggest Mandingo
In all of Pokino
Now, when I wake up in the morning
With a funny little feelin
I know just where to go
I know I need a Mandingo

Kitty Ferguson
5 – 02